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solutions to the typical problems of the average dental practice,
knowing there is another level to the solution. I will present the
essence of his letter and then explain the cure.
His
letter goes:
“I
have imagined many scenarios of dealing with the ladies,
but no matter what I say, how I say it, to whom I say it or in what
setting I say it, it does not feel right, and does not possibly
help the situation.”
“My
efforts come across as stilted and pathetic, or massively
authoritarian, and no match for the machinations of scheming females
in a cat fight."
The
only scenario I can see is to tell Lacy and Stacy
how the behavior is affecting the practice, tell them it is unacceptable,
tell them the behavior I expect, and not give them any chance to
respond.
If
this works, great, but if it doesn't work, my
scenario proceeds to temporary compliance and then the inevitable
recurrences of the behavior, then I have to repeat myself, this
time with a threat of job termination.
The
threat of termination may bring about sullen compliance;
the sullen part upsets me. Now, I have to deal with that, or just
live with that.
The
threat of termination may result in someone quitting,
or I may have to actually terminate someone. I prefer not to have
to deal with that.
I
concluded that the imagined outcomes, based on
my attitude and interpersonal skills, are no improvement over the
status quo ....
What
you said does not get me closer to my goal of
resolving this situation. I still can't see a clear path of specific
behaviors to take that are likely to be effective.
I
would like to be able to say effectively what
needs to be said, but I don't know what that looks and sounds like.
Every scenario I imagine is no improvement to the current situation,
and possibly worse than the current situation.
Until
I can see an effective approach (I'm motivated
but feel incapable), I will choose the status quo.
I
have been in practice 24 years. I’ve had as many as 6 employees
at one time. Never again. What works for me is to have a
staff of 2 ladies. I have chosen smaller dollars in exchange
for fewer hassles.
I
doubt that any of the conflict-phobic, introverted technicians
out there who can identify with Dr. Desperate's request for help
would actually find help in your reply.
I
do not say this with malice, just to let you know
that we're somewhat deaf to this material, and, if you erroneously
think that we hear you, then you can't possibly change your approach
to help us actually hear what you have to say.
Maybe
conflict-phobic, introverted technicians should not be running dental
practices.
I
wish you well and admire your skills and insights
and wish they were easily transferable.
Sincerely,
Dr. Desperate’s Older Brother
In
response:
This
gentleman’s assessment of his circumstances and possible solution
describe the plight of other dental professionals.
The
imagined scenarios and the anticipated consequences dramatically
ooze with the negativity of inevitable and certain loss.
He
will lose this encounter and every encounter when asked to express
what he wants.
By
no means is this gentleman weak or a non-achiever. He works hard
and he is attentive to the feelings and needs of others. These are
both proof of his great strength.
However,
the world of coaching offers solutions which are not obvious to
the causal eye, because these solutions concern the principles of
human nature, and human nature is a force that we must learn to
convert to our own purposes.
Dr.
Desperate is a victim to these forces, just as his older brother
finds the mere presence of these problems to be an inconvenience
and thus victimizing.
Next
week, I will discuss the answer to Dr. Desperate and demonstrate
where his older brother continues his family tradition of “the
glass is half full” perspective not by choice but
by mandate.
The
Coach
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